Pre-Marital SexFR. WILLIAM SAUNDERS
Recently, I read that a certain Archdiocese is no longer going to ask couples who are cohabitating - living together - to separate. Am I missing something, or has the Church stopped teaching that premarital sex is wrong?
Only in marriage do we find God's blessing upon the act of sexual love, or what is better termed, marital love. This physical expression of love in marriage is a sacred sign of a husband and wife's covenant of love and love that they share in union with God. This marital love signifies the vows freely exchanged between each other and thereby reflects the faithful, permanent, exclusive, and self-giving love they have promised to each other and to God. This understanding is evident in Jesus response to the Pharisees' question regarding divorce: "Have you not read that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female and declared, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife, and the two shall become as one'? Thus they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore let no man separate what God has joined" (Matthew 19:4-6). Thorough the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, God blesses the couple joined in this sacred bond and generously bestows grace so that they may assume the duties of marriage in mutual and lasting fidelity.
Moreover, the marital love of husband and wife which unites them as "one flesh" may overflow and participate in God's creative love: a child may be born from their love. Here again, God gives abundant graces so that the husband and wife can fulfill their duties as father and mother. Therefore, in accord with God's design, sexual love is reserved to marriage.
Think though of this issue from the perspective of the child, who may be conceived by an act of sexual love. A child has the inviolable right to life from the moment of conception until death. He has the right to be born. He has the right to two loving parents who are husband and wife, who have pledged their total love to each other, and who have the means to provide for raising a child. He has the right to be considered as a gift from God, not as an "unplanned pregnancy," an "accident," or a "burden." In essence, a child has the right to the best family possible—a family filled with love. (Confer Donum vitae, II, 8.) Here again, just using our reason, we can conclude that sexual love ought to be reserved to marriage.
Taking sexual love outside the context of marriage is contrary to the dignity of each person and of marriage. Our Holy Father, Pope John Paul II, lamented the decline in respect for marital love in his encyclical The Gospel of Life: "Sexuality too is depersonalized and exploited, from being the sign, place and language of love, that is, of the gift of self and acceptance of another, in all the other's richness as a person, it increasingly becomes the occasion and instrument for self-assertion and the selfish satisfaction of personal desires and instincts" (#23).
Given this teaching, little wonder the Bible has grave condemnations against both fornication, "carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman" (Catechism, #2353), and adultery, "when two partners, of whom at least one is married to another party, have sexual relations — even transient ones . . . " (Catechism, #2381). Jesus said, "Wicked designs come from the deep recesses of the heart: acts of fornication, theft, murder, adulterous conduct, greed, maliciousness, deceit, sensuality, envy, blasphemy, arrogance, and obtuse spirit. All these evils come from within and render a man impure" (Mark 7:21-23; cf. also Matthew 15:19). St. Paul warned, "Can you not realize that the unholy will not fall heir to the kingdom of God? Do not deceive your selves: no fornicators, idolaters, or adulterers, no sexual perverts, thieves, misers or drunkards, no slanderers, or robbers will inherit God's kingdom" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). In the last judgment scene depicted in the Book of Revelation, God said, "As for the cowards and traitors to the faith, the depraved and murderers, the fornicators and sorcerers, the idol-worshipers and deceivers of every sort — their lot is the fiery pool of burning sulphur, the second death!" (Revelation 21:8). God's upholding of the sacredness of marital love is clearly evidenced in the blatant condemnation of the sins against it.
Sadly, in our society, we see the act of marital love trivialized. Whether we would turn to pornography or even to a comedy show, the act or marital love is oftentimes portrayed as a selfish expression without any sense of permanence, fidelity or exclusivity. The act is reduced simply to an immediate, fleeting pleasure without any sense of responsibility to each other or to the possible child conceived. The couple easily forgets that the action could conceive a child and that they could become "Mommy and Daddy." And what then? Would the child be aborted? Would he be raised by one parent, by grandparents, or by two parents "forced" to get married?
We see the tragedy that occurs when we deviate from God's plan. Many people have thought they were in love with someone else, gave themselves to that person in the most intimate expression of human love, then were later discarded. Many people have heard the phrase, "I want you," but all the person really wanted was a body; not a person, a sensation, not a commitment of life and love. Many people speak of "making love," without realizing we cannot make love: God Himself is love, we can only love in His love in accord with His design (I John 4:16). Yes, the eyes of many people today reveal an internal emptiness which comes from spending oneself on a fleeting pleasure rather than on building upon a marriage and a family.
In response, the Church calls people to live the virtue of chastity. Chastity respects the dignity of our human sexuality and the sacredness of marital love. In chastity, a person strives for mastery over feelings and passions, respects the sacredness of marital love, and takes responsibility for his actions. This virtue, moreover, gives great freedom: freedom from slavery to passions; freedom from any sexually transmitted disease, so easily contracted in this age because of promiscuity; freedom from loss of a good reputation and being known as "easy," "a slut" or "a womanizer;" freedom from painful memories or regrets of past relationships; freedom from mortal sin and eternal punishment. St. Paul challenges us to live in the freedom of God's children. Granted, the temptations of this world are great. By the grace of God, we can live in such freedom, respecting the sacredness of marital love.
Saunders, Rev. William. "Pre-Marital Sex." Arlington Catholic Herald.
This article is reprinted with permission from Arlington Catholic Herald.
Father William Saunders is dean of the Notre Dame Graduate School of Christendom College and pastor of Our Lady of Hope Parish in Sterling, Virginia. The above article is a "Straight Answers" column he wrote for the Arlington Catholic Herald. Father Saunders is also the author of Straight Answers, a book based on 100 of his columns and published by Cathedral Press in Baltimore.
Copyright © 2003 Arlington Catholic Herald
Not all articles published on CERC are the objects of official Church teaching, but these are supplied to provide supplementary information.